Shades of SNL: It's a dessert topping! No, it's a floor wax! Stop! You're both right!
Okay, I admit it!
When it comes to eating, I'm not really that adventurous. When it comes to cooking, I'm not really that creative either.
I do enjoy eating. I hate to diet!
Back when I was perusing the web, searching for any images I had missed of some of Omaha's vintage restaurants, a few certain unfortunately-memorable images kept popping up.
I would really love to peer into the minds of the creative staff at the agencies that produced these ads. Just what were they trying to tell the audience of potential buyers of these products? From a distance, these ads might pass for lobby cards for horror films!
These three particular images are all over the web. They'll show up in image searches with keywords of "vintage" along with a few various culinary terms.
If there's anything that can help me (and you) keep your perennial resolution to stick to a diet, it's these images!
A bit more inspection of the search results revealed a whole genre of revolting nostalgia.
I promised myself, when I started composing this, that I would strictly limit my usage of such expressions as "gross", "disgusting", and "EEEeeeewwwww!", since all three apply to many of the images here. :)
Let's waste a few minutes of time at the office and reflect, again, upon what once was, and in this case, maybe what we're glad is not any more. :)
These are images mostly from vintage magazine ads of yesteryear.
There are some things that just don't belong together!
Yes, bacon and melon can be Part Of This Nutritious Breakfast(tm), but still ...
How's 'bout ham, bananas and cheese?
Processed ham and ???????? Looks like celery is in there, and who knows what else.
Flapjack Burger Wraps!
As the old joke goes, how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? :)
Some things just don't belong in a can.
Yeah, yeah, I know. If you don't have refrigerators ... ("Pre-Fried"?????)
Who needs Famous Dave's when you can have ...
Franks in a can!
The thing is, that huge Sack-O-Sauce really fills up the can and costs far less to include than 4-5 more franks!
Variations on the theme ...
Or a jar!
Any recipe with the term "surprise" in it ... ...
Oh wow! Cabbage stuffed with left-overs!
I really can't tell if this is supposed to be a spread or a dessert or ...
These three could pass for Fancy Feast ads!
Tower to the sky!
I really can't tell if this next one is supposed to be a decorative candle or something to eat!
It's suppose to be mousse, not mouse! :)
Although amusing, maybe even cute, I can't think of anything more disgusting than the thought of a mouse in your meal!
Just what I always wanted, a shrimp smoothie!
Think back to Dan Ackroyd and the Super Bass-O-Matic!
How 'bout stuff where it really doesn't belong? Seems like eggs and olives were the most frequent surprises!
Aspic and loaves were quite the rage in the womens' magazines of the times ...
Anything in aspic!
Sorry, the thought of the combinations of flavors here are simply, well, just "like totally 144 fer-shure, ya know!"
Loaf of ?????
A common language which divides the folks on both sides of the Pond!
But can men serve it too? :)
When I was young(er) I used to love Broadcast Corned Beef Hash! I do remember it (I think) in more of a yellowish can, but I haven't seen it on the shelves in years. It was yummy, but to tell ya the truth, it was best just warmed up in a saucepan in those pre-microwave days. They also made a very tasty not-too-hot canned chili as well.
The ads I remember showed things like hashburgers. Think sloppy joe but with canned hash. No, those never caught on! :) I couldn't find any of their vintage serving suggestions, but I did find one from one of their competitors.
As served in the finest steakhouses! :)
Spam by any other name ...
I never really cared for Spam. It's much too salty, and the texture is just plain yucky! I'm torn as to which is more disgusting, that goo it comes packed in (aspic?) or that "schlorrrrpy" sound it makes when you take it out of the can and put it in whatever you're going to put it in.
The problem with Spam is, well, it's Spam, and there's just not that much you can do with it to disguise the fact that it is, indeed, Spam, even though they give it a good try!
Yes, yes, I know that Spam has its rabidly-loyal fans! I'm sure not one of them, but if all of us liked the same things, the world would be an incredibly boring place to live! I'm sure my favorite dishes disgust some folks!
Spam had (still has?) many spin-offs and imitators.
The beef variety, Bif.
Every meat packer had their own version.
But wait! There's MOR!
Sounds a wee bit Dickensian. "What? You want MOR!" (**SLAP!**)
They say Spam won the war!
Now to be fair to Spam and all of its clones, as an emergency ration or battlefield meal, Spam is probably one of the best there is!
According to Dwight Eisenhower:
''I ate my share of Spam along with millions of other soldiers, I'll even confess to a few unkind remarks about it - uttered during the strain of battle, you understand. But as former Commander in Chief, I believe I can still forgive you your only sin: sending us so much of it.''
Supposedly Todd Palin is a Spam fan. Now I *KNOW* I don't have anything in common with that family! LOL!
Look carefully at this "girl" salad ...
Is this really a girl, or is is some kind of subliminal Wilson Bryan Key message? Perhaps a disgruntled graphic artist gettin' back at the boss? Look very carefully at the lower right-hand corner of the image. Those don't look very much like girl parts, do they? :) :) Yes, it's different!
They say that fish is so good for you, it's almost a vegetable.
Oh well ...
But the absolute most tasteless one I came upon ...
Okay everybody, on three ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 EEEEEeeeewwwwwww!